What do I need of Love?

What do I need of Love? Nothing...

How did I overcome my failure?

When I saw failure, it haunted me at nights. I have spent endless evenings trying to figure how will i live with the tag on me?
Is failure, a meaningless term which tends to separate you from some one who took the right path, took the right decision? The answer is No. I call failure as a meaningless term, because if I didn't fail then, I wouldn't have reached where I am now. I couldn't have the strength, the knowledge, the vision and the self esteem, I have now.

At that time, at that moment in life, the decisions I took, seem right. I even remember trying to figure out why I made that decision, I have been living so many years doing the right thing. How could I have been so stupid to make such a mistake?

I myself was not in control of the action, as to why would someone in sane mind would do such a thing. Why were my eyes blinded and I couldn't see it was wrong.

I was miserable, spending all day thinking about it, trying to figure what is there to learn from this? I nearly spent months together trying to figure it out.

Then one beautiful evening, it dawned to me. I am wasting time. There is no lesson to it, and I am asking the wrong question. It was just a path I had chosen and I have to own up to it. I have to first accept that I took the path. I am the one who was responsible for it and no one else. The circumstances were such that I had to run in that direction. I was proud of my decision. My life was going to be molded on that mistake of my life. I will be able to recall the failure as I do today and set an example to myself and others.

I got strength from my failure. I made it sure, I was comfortable with it. I digested it, made it part of the system, of who I am. It troubled me cause it wanted my acceptance. I made my self understand, the mistake was in itself a part of my creation. I had to be proud of it. I was at peace.

Now all I had to do was move ahead. I had a plan in place, something not to hide my mistake, but build on top of it. Something so strong, so beautiful, so complete, which would show the failure as a part of the whole picture. The plan worked, I was able to build on it, embedded like a ruby on a crown, the failure was part of the diamonds which lay ahead.

There was no stopping me from there. I knew, I had something precious to give me strength, a path, a choice, it was my failure...

Badnam Kare Zamana

Zamana badnam karta hai chahne walon ko,
Akeli raatien katata hai sab Deewano ko.

Sanam ki bahon mai janat naaseeb hogi,
Sochte the yeh khushi kab humare karib hogi.

Aaj bhulane ka wada deyti ja rahi ho,
Yeh toh batao kiski kasam kha rahi ho.

Bhula dogi toh zinda na rehenge hum,
Darde dil ko kya dawa deynge hum.

Bikhra hua shesha jaise Jhud na paye,
Ek aashishq apne pyar se kabhi mud na paye.

Through my eyes

Smile of an angel, winning many hearts.
Glow on the face, shining like a star.
Touch of flower, soft as can be.
Sensitivity of a earthworm, curling on every breeze.....

Dosti Ka Jaam

Aaj phir pee maine,
Aaj phir tere rang ki taarif ki maine.
Aaj phir dil ne tera naam liya hai,
Aaj phir tu har jagah mujhe dikha hai.
Aaj phir tere do shabd yaad kiye,
Aaj Phir tere saath bitaye do pal jiye.
Aaj phir meri aankh bhar aayi,
Aaj phir jab tere yaad aayi.....

When people claim "I am in love"

I wake up early in the morning to see my friends status: sunflower loves rose....
well I know she is sunflower n he is rose... The guy she met once, claimed he was her soul mate, then she said she is crazy about him and finally today she admits she loves him. I come to hear all this in two weeks... Though she had been talking to him for a long time. Say a few months...
I think how come someone realizes they are in love in just few weeks... Or is it they realize n don't want to make it open... If I was ever in love I would post it on every wall in the city man I am love...
Well any ways happy for her....

The first look....

People tell me they don't believe in love at first sight... I agree that you can't fall in love the first moment you see someone... Love in a mixture of emotional, physical and logical attraction to someone... I am not here talking about love... The small blog is a discussion I have with myself on the idea of first look... Since childhood from the days I remember, I always had a picture or two in my mind of a face I used to live my life with. These faces were of the opposite sex which drew the outline of my daily events... I have always been lazy and duly needed motivation... Thought food is always on priority list, it was never the motivation to do something... There always has been some faces which made me get up and get a move on for the day... Ever since I started school I had the motivational factors pushing me to school. The better the motivation better my results in school... Sounds really silly even writing something like this but true... I remember each of these motivations by the first look.
Yes there never many just one max two at a time... Either it was my first day or theirs these motivational faces were embedded as a crystal giving me power to drive myself through school, college and my work life... Considering the fact it was always the first time my eyes set on them I knew they were the one. As I grew older I understood why they were the motivation for me. They were the gals I liked at the first sight. They were never the best looking ones, not always but they were fairly above average. I never had a problem talking to them making them my friends either by using humor, talent or plain old you got no other choice than to bear me.
To think why and how I separate them from the rest of the crowd will be a waste of time... Surely it,a not a simple mathematical formula,its chemistry with maths and some physics involved.
But there have been times when I couldn't talk to them... I approached them but some gibrish came out. Well it was just once... She was small cute little thing which I considered out of my league... Why I guess will never find out. Her smile was fake at times, her hair were combed in a same way always. She had a mystery behind that fake smile, the haircut... Even though she was a pretty simple girl. I judged her to be more than that.
This gal was different than the others. The first look I was speechless. I remember the first time I talked to her it was normal cause I didn't see fit to talk too much. The second time I saw her walking in a slightly rainy weather casually towards the other direction I was going. The whole Saturday I had just slept. It was around 5:20pm I was out to catch a bite. So I eat a small wrap and start walking back. I had gut feeling I would see her. So I am walking and I see her in the coffee shop sipping coffee reading a book. I go order a coffee and walk back to her. I say hi and she doesn't remember me. The first conversation was about a website to access the orkut from the office. Mild talk 3-4 sentences exchanged. I use the context and talk to her. She puts the picture in her head. So I sit ask if she expecting someone? Yes she did. A friend. I still sit with her, defining the social convention of leave me alone. Then when I continue the conversation I am talking things that neither made sense then nor now. I was surprised that my mouth just opened and crap came our my brain stopped. First time in my life I had difficulty speaking. After some time her friend arrives and she rushes to pay the bill... I talk for a brief moment to him and I am normal, hit off at the right foot and good cool conversation... She rushes off. The friend was confused with her behaviour. I on the otherhand knew what was going through her mind. This guy is crazy.
I had met few more times with her at the coffee shop at office, dropped her a few times at her home, had one dinner with her. But every time I talked it was the wrong thing.
To come to think of it even though this post was just about first look I want to continue on this girl. You see even though I am not talking to her, I lose focus just thinking and just talking about her. So relating first look in her case and why it was different and why did I talk things which were definately crap to her was that she kept a fake mask over her. I made her agree that she had a secret which no one knew, a different her. She confessed that even her mother didn't know about it. Was this the catch? No I still kept screwing up, did everything right but screwed the talk, most stupid things I could say. My life had stopped but was alive. It was like a party on a boat parked at the bay.

She soon got annoyed with me and my contact broke. She left the town, not because of me but she found a job in another city. So there is always something which happens on the first look. Then when you move ahead after the first look you decide if its love, friendship or nothing.